If I ask you "Who do you respect?" you will probably respond by naming a couple of people or more. Some of them could be from your personal networks, others could be public or historical figures who made an impact on you. So far, so good. If I then ask you "How did these people earn your respect?" you would probably come back with a list of descriptions of each of them that characterizes what you find unique and admirable about them. So far, so good. Now, I ask you "Who do you not respect?"
If you find yourself wondering how many people you don't respect, then you fall in the state of invalidating other people. One of the greatest lessons that I've learned in the ICA is that "Respect is not an outward judgement of someone, respect is an inward feeling about yourself". When you say that you are not respecting somebody, you are saying that you have some assumptions about that person, and that you judge him negatively based on your assumptions. What do you win from this? Actually can you think of any wins? You are making a statement that invalidates the other one and that's it. And there are some things that you lose. First, you stop yourself from getting to know the other one and with this you let go of a relationship. Second, you lose a potential networking partner. Third, you demonstrate to yourself the lack of some crucial leadership competencies, for example value for diversity, inclusion or suspending judgments. Moreover, you are sharing that there is something that bothers you and it might be beneficial to explore that. No need to say - in this case the other person loses too. He is being invalidated by you.
Another option you can take is to look at people through the lenses of values. Every person has unique characteristics and you can always find something that you can relate to, admire or value. Go back to a name that came to your mind when I asked you to think on who do you not respect. It is ok not to understand this person's motives, actions, behaviors or values. If you leave it here, you will feel good. You have reflected on who you are and what is it that you value, and you have discovered that the other person is way out of your value and belief system. You have reminded yourself one more time what your unique core self is. However, if you find the inner strength to recognize a strength in the other person, you will find yourself on a whole different level of self-development. You are saying out loud how satisfied are you with yourself, and how open are you to respect people for who they are. You can continue to build relationship with this person. You can move easily forward. You take a lesson with you. If you think even further, you are practicing challenging soft skills that can only support you with your self and leadership growth. Let's be honest, in this win-win situations you are the big winner!
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Visualization as a self-development tool
Visualization as a technique is often times associated with dreams and making fantasies. That's true. However our dreams and fantasies speak about what we want, what we don't have and what would really make us happy. So why not utilize our visualizations to serve our self-development endeavors?
Visualizing is not only doing a spiritual activity or letting go of imagination. Visualizations take all kind of forms. You can find them in your thoughts, day-dreaming, pictures, or even in your Excell spreadsheet. One thing you should discover about yourself is what your own visualizing looks like. Do you like thinking about problems and imagining them? Do you like to close your eyes and have a picture of what happens around you? Do you like to put your thoughts in forms of pictures? Do you like journaling? Do you like building process maps and plans on a software application? Or maybe you have another creative technique that you've developed? Visualizing is very personal, and as many different people there are, as many different visualization approaches exist.
Once you are aware of what your magnificent personal visualization looks like you can try to apply it to whatever bothers or intrigues your mind. When you describe your challenge or goals with visuals you put yourself on another level of reflection and experimentation. The problem or desires are no more something vague, but something you see. Moreover you see yourself as an active player in dealing with them or achieving them. Through your visuals you see yourself in action; you observe what you are doing and you see yourself moving forward. The more specific you are, the more powerful your visuals are. They support you to build a clear picture of what you want to do and suggest the way you can do it.
With visualizing you become creative in building your personal agenda. You feel energized because you see your own capacity to achieve what you want. You come up with some ideas of the specific steps you need to take. You are aware of what you want and informed about what you need to do. Ant that is powerful!
Visualizing is not only doing a spiritual activity or letting go of imagination. Visualizations take all kind of forms. You can find them in your thoughts, day-dreaming, pictures, or even in your Excell spreadsheet. One thing you should discover about yourself is what your own visualizing looks like. Do you like thinking about problems and imagining them? Do you like to close your eyes and have a picture of what happens around you? Do you like to put your thoughts in forms of pictures? Do you like journaling? Do you like building process maps and plans on a software application? Or maybe you have another creative technique that you've developed? Visualizing is very personal, and as many different people there are, as many different visualization approaches exist.
Once you are aware of what your magnificent personal visualization looks like you can try to apply it to whatever bothers or intrigues your mind. When you describe your challenge or goals with visuals you put yourself on another level of reflection and experimentation. The problem or desires are no more something vague, but something you see. Moreover you see yourself as an active player in dealing with them or achieving them. Through your visuals you see yourself in action; you observe what you are doing and you see yourself moving forward. The more specific you are, the more powerful your visuals are. They support you to build a clear picture of what you want to do and suggest the way you can do it.
With visualizing you become creative in building your personal agenda. You feel energized because you see your own capacity to achieve what you want. You come up with some ideas of the specific steps you need to take. You are aware of what you want and informed about what you need to do. Ant that is powerful!
Monday, August 8, 2011
Exploring perspectives
Sometimes we get stuck in what we see and we close the doors to the world that is outside of the perspective we hold. We are not aware of what others see and we are not aware that there might be something that we are missing. And when we do that we can possible lose a lot. We lose a learning opportunity; we lose the power of choice; we lose energy; we lose a piece of trust; and we lose our confidence. Moreover, when we stick to one perspective we might find ourselves lost or unable to move forward.
The ability to shift perspectives is an amazing powerful skill that could be only beneficial to you both with your personal and professional goals. Internalizing it as a practice brings to you lightness, richness and individual power. Shifting perspectives means that when you find yourself holding a certain view you are still able to step outside of it, look at it from different lenses, discover other possibilities, and then make a conscious choice on which perspective to move forward with. This skill supports you to work with your own assumptions, uncover underlying beliefs, empower yourself with different options and ultimately move forward stronger and enriched.
Here is a sample of exercises that encourage shifting perspectives:
1. Click here to see an exercise for reframing negative self-talk
2. Click here to explore an exercise for increasing self-esteem by reframing unhelpful thoughts
3. Click here to find a sample list of positive statements that encourage exploring perspectives.
The ability to shift perspectives is an amazing powerful skill that could be only beneficial to you both with your personal and professional goals. Internalizing it as a practice brings to you lightness, richness and individual power. Shifting perspectives means that when you find yourself holding a certain view you are still able to step outside of it, look at it from different lenses, discover other possibilities, and then make a conscious choice on which perspective to move forward with. This skill supports you to work with your own assumptions, uncover underlying beliefs, empower yourself with different options and ultimately move forward stronger and enriched.
Here is a sample of exercises that encourage shifting perspectives:
1. Click here to see an exercise for reframing negative self-talk
2. Click here to explore an exercise for increasing self-esteem by reframing unhelpful thoughts
3. Click here to find a sample list of positive statements that encourage exploring perspectives.
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