Building capacity to deal with change

Making a shift of mind from resisting a change to embracing it is a challenging but very rewarding process. The first step is identifying that resistance is taking place in your life. This is a very personal experience that may have very different faces: apathy, fear, compliance, stress, confusion, inaction, embarrassment or disorientation. The common denominator in all these masks of resistance is that they keep you in a state of constantly contemplating about the past that is not coming back.

Once you become aware that you are resisting a change try to understand where it comes from. You might believe that you are extremely satisfied with your life without the change or that you fear the unknown future. You might be angry because it is not your decision, but the change was forced to you. Or you may feel that you will not be able to adapt. Whatever your intrinsic feelings and emotions are bring them to the surface. Face these underlying beliefs and allow yourself some time to reflect on them.

Work with your triggers for resisting change. Transform them into statements. Think if you are making any assumptions when resisting the change. How logical are your statements? How realistic are they? What evidence do you have that supports your statements and beliefs? In what ways they support you to move forward with your life when you are dealing with change? In what ways they present as roadblocks?

Think of another change experiences in your life when you were again in change resisting mindset. How did you deal with it? What support you needed to move consciously in those new stages of your life? Identify all the conditions, support and resources that have helped you to overcome the initial discomfort of change. Don’t wait and sum them all immediately to address your resistance in an early stage.

Once you become aware of the reasons for your resistance and your own strategies to deal with it, you will immediately experience relaxation and empowerment. You will be able to let go of the old roles, patterns and experience, and you will start looking into the future. You will gain back you self-confidence and you will check in your individual development plan to reflect on where you are and what options you have in this new situation to move to the next level of your growth as an individual and professional. At the moment you consciously close the door of the ending you are experience, you will find myriad doors in front to explore. Empowered by your own capacity and commitment to self, you will enter the new stage of your life stronger and more energized.

What you need to know about change

Change has always been part of our lives as humans. From the inevitable changes that we cannot escape from, such as saying goodbye to childhood, entering a school or becoming an independent adult, through the unexpected changes that appear on our way, such as change of a job, working with new team member or ending a relationship, to the planned changes like moving to a new place, becoming a parent or getting a promotion – we are all surrounded by both anticipated and unforeseen changes. Change can result in great discomfort and even misery. It can also be confusing and stressful. And this is normal. When a person is dealing with change he or she inevitably goes through a personal transition which Bridges (2004) defines as a difficult process of letting go of an old situation, of suffering the confusing nowhere of in-betweenness, and of launching forth again in a new situation (p. 4). So how can we face a change while we are in a personal transition? The two opposing sides of the spectrum of reacting to change are embracing it and resisting it.

The more natural response to change is resistance. A number of conditions explain this phenomenon. O’Toole (1995) provides a detailed list of the root causes of resistance to change, which includes fear of the unknown; lack of self-confidence to face the new situation; satisfaction with the status quo; shock of the future;  lack of knowledge about what is coming up; and short-term thinking to name a few (p. 161-163). Resistance to change could be viewed as a healthy human instinct. However if we let it to overwhelm us it becomes a huge roadblock to self-development. It prevents us from living a healthy and fulfilling life by forcing us to be stuck with the past. It distorts our self-awareness and self-confidence, and thus shuts our mind to explore new opportunities.

On the other hand, embracing a change is a powerful mindset that supports us to reflect on the new situation we are facing, discover the new opportunities that present on our way and move forward in the future with confidence that we have made the most out of the change. When we are embracing new beginnings, we are comfortable with letting go of the past and be curious about the future. And when we do that we suddenly discover how a change could bring value in our lives, how it could support our personal development plans, and how we can grow as individuals and professionals by experiencing it. We realize that change is not a dreadful ending, but an intriguing new beginning. We become again our best-selfs and we delve into the myriad possibilities that we start discovering around us.

Embracing = Awareness + Discovering opportunities + Self-development

Resisting = Unawareness + Missing opportunities + Being stuck

What to do with doubts?

When we want to move forward or to make an important decision we sometimes face our deepest self-doubts. Deciding to introduce some change in our personal lives, no matter how significant it is, involves to some extend risk and uncertainty. Yet, it is change that supports our growth. Plus, the way to pursuing our intrinsic desires could be risky. It is a normal human reaction to experience doubt when deciding to take action. A little dose of doubt could be healthy as it reveals areas for development and enhances self-awareness. However, if self-doubt takes the lead in our thinking process it becomes a barrier to our self-development endeavors. 

The truth is the more time you spend on self-doubt, the worst you feel. Doubt has this magical influence to bring to the surface all our hidden fears, failures, negative feedbacks and other negative cognitive artifacts, no matter whether they are substantial or logical. Doubt presents as the worst obstacle to self-development as it directly eats your courage, empowerment and enthusiasm. When you doubt yourself, other people start doubting you too. Is it worth? Definitely not!

The good news about self-doubt is that it is something that you have created for yourself. In other words it is only in your head and you have the power to delete it and move forward without it. Being in a position of managing your own doubt is a powerful one to be in! Here are some strategies to support you in this position.

Step 1: Diminish the doubt

For everything you doubt in yourself, there are 10 things you can trust. When you find yourself doubting something, starting making up a list of 10 things that you can trust yourself. Oppose your doubt to your 10 strengths. How it feels to experience your self-doubt being overpowered by your self-trust? 

Step 2: Destroy the doubt

Think about your self-doubt. How logical is it? What evidence do you have that supports it? What examples do you have that demonstrate it? The more you look into the details, the more you find that your doubt is a mask of some assumptions that you are making about yourself.  

Step 3: Sum up your self-trust

Keep in your mind your purpose, your values, and your goals. Now that you are aware of all your strengths and assumptions, build up a strategy that would help you to move forward by focusing on your powers and transforming your doubts into areas for self-development. When you do that, you will immediately feel energized and motivated to move forward with your plans.

Step 4: Internalize self-trust practices

Don't allow your self-trust to fade away. Build up some practices that will support you with this effort. Follow this link if you want to check out some ideas on how to explore and enhance your self-trust.

The beauty of taking responsibility for what is happening in our lives

Often times when something is going wrong or not the way that we want it to be, one finds himself in a position to blame everything and everybody around, but not to look at what his role is in this undesired outcome. Blaming is a popular game. It releases emotions; it takes off the burden from our shoulders; it makes us feel comfortable; and it serves as a protection shield. However, blame game is not fair. It's not fair to others, and it's not fair to you. And most importantly it doesn't lead to any positive outcomes. When you are living your lives from the position of blaming something or somebody else you become disabled to learn. You don't reflect, you lose self-awareness, you lose our purpose center. So why play the blame game?

How about playing a much more productive, intriguing and self-fulfilling game. Let's call it The Wisdom of the Responsible. The idea of the game is to start practicing responsibility. Every time you find yourself starting to blame, stop yourself, and invite your thoughts to discover what your role is in what is happening and what benefits can you take from it. Discover how your actions/ inactions, motives and underlying beliefs influenced the processes that led to the outcome you are experiencing. Think of what is happening in terms of a system in which you are a central part. Next, think what you could have done differently to achieve the results you wanted. When you find the answer to that question, you will immediately understand in what ways you are contributing to what is happening in your life. If you move a step further and admit that insights to yourself, you are now taking responsibility. And when you start acting from the lenses of being responsible you are acting from a position of learning strength. You are no more disappointed about the misfortunes that occur or the obstacles that you meet your way. On the contrary, you start using every single minute to enhance your own self and to learn so that to build a capacity to move forward to your desired destination You are now in such a powerful position! Enjoy it!