This group of competencies focuses on the foundation of coaching - the relationship between the coach and the client. Building a solid relationship is the prerequisite for successful coaching endeavors. A professional coach knows the importance of building relationships with clients based on trust, mutual respect, and sincere openness. This is the way to creating the safe environment in which the clients feel free to be themselves, to open up and to delve into self-discovery and self-development. So what it takes for a professional coach to encourage the co-creation of the relationship with the client?
Competency 3: Establishing Trust and Intimacy with the Client
ICF defines this competency as "the ability to create a safe, supporting environment, that produces ongoing mutual respect and trust". Mastering this competency is particularly crucial in the beginning of the coaching relationship, but it is a never-ending endeavor. The moment the client loses the respect, trust or confidence in his coach, true coaching becomes illusory. It takes commitment, bravery, vulnerability and curiosity on behalf of the client to allow trust and intimacy with the coach, but what a professional coach does to invite you on this path?On the first place, from day one the coach shows genuine concern for the welfare and the future of the client. We, the coaches, truly believe that every client is resourceful and has the potential to make the most of his life. A professional coach supports the client to discover what really brings meaning in his life, what makes him happy, and what a desired future looks like. The genuine support and concern of the coach is observable in behaviors that keep the client on track of what he defines as welfare and progress for himself, but also in behaviors that challenge the client to reflect whether the actions he anticipate to take or have already taken are not obstacles for his well-being and moving toward stated goals. For example, a coach knows that the client's top priority is to achieve better work-life balance, but she shares her excitement of a new job opportunity that will keep her away from her family for a long period. Immediately the coach reminds the client what she has defined as a top priority and initiates a dialogue for self-exploration and value-based decision making.
Next, a professional coach continuously demonstrates personal integrity and honesty. Let's say that a coach declares that he is very passionate about the research in the field of coaching. During a session the client's interest in the impact of coaching on developing leadership competencies is provoked, and he asks the coach what the research suggest about this topic. The coach should be able to demonstrate profound knowledge.
Another behavior that describes this coaching competency is establishing clear agreements and keeping promises. If at some point during the sessions you find yourself in an immediate need of coaching, but you have no idea if you could contact your coach, then something is not right. Also, if you have an agreement with your coach that you can email him at any time and you will have response within 24 hours, then he should be responsible to keep that promise. If you become excessive in your emails and the coach cannot handle them, instead of delaying answers or not answering at all, he should make an additional agreement with you about the number of emails you ca send within sessions.
It is very important that a coach continuously demonstrates respect for client perceptions, learning styles, and personal being as a whole. A coach is not a judge of what is right and what is wrong, what is good and what is bad. On the contrary, a professional coach believes that the client knows what is good for him and what makes him to be his best. A professional coach respects the clients for who they are and doesn't try to change them. Beware of a coach who shares his opinion, gives personal advices or tries to change you. It is possible that a coach feels uncomfortable working with a client because of conflict in values or beliefs. The right thing to do is to be honest with the client and to refer him to another colleague.
A professional should provide ongoing support for the client and champion his new behaviors and actions. It would be weird if you find yourself in a position where you are sharing something that makes you feel special, and your coach does not show recognition. Whenever you make a progress on something or deliver unexpected results or just try something new in pursue of your goals, you may be sure that your coach will be there to celebrate those small or big wins with you.
Finally, a professional coach should always ask permission to coach the client in sensitive areas as well as in new ones. "I notice that this is the second time you mention this tragedy in our sessions. Do you mind asking you..." or "I know that you want to focus your coaching on your job performance. However I think that there could be some patterns of behavior you tend to follow in your life. Do you feel comfortable exploring this issue in your personal relationships?"
Competency 4: Coaching Presence
I personally believe that this is the magical competency that makes the coach a special partner in the client's life. It is the coach's secret weapon. It is the part of the mystery that makes coaching such an exceptional partnership. You cannot assess easily the demonstration of this coaching. The only way to judge it is to think how do you leave the coaching sessions. Are you excited? Optimistic? Empowered? Determined? Happy? On purpose? If the answer is yes, then you can be sure your coach is mastering his coaching presence. So here is a short description of what is it about.
A professional coach is always dancing in the moment. This means that he is open and sensitive to what is going on during the session, and makes the most of what is happening in benefit of the client. It also means that every single moment the coach reflects on where the session is going and what approach or tool to use in working with the client. The best description I've ever read on "dancing in the moment" is made by the authors of the Co-active Coaching: "A coach in the midst of a coaching session is constantly choosing. Every response from a client provides information about where to go next with the coaching. The awareness of the shifting currents and themes becomes second nature to experienced coaches; they are constantly sensing what is most important and choosing a question ot skill based on what just showed up." (Whitworth, L, Kimsey-House, K, Kimsey-House, H., & Sandahl, P., 2007, p. 5).
To be able to dance in the moment a coach has a great intuition and is able to trust it. Using his knowledge, expertise and experience a coach senses the moods, thoughts, mental models, barriers to thinking, etc. and comes up with a question that will move the client toward valuable reflection. A professional coach never uses a script or a list with must-ask questions. Rather he accepts every session and every client as a unique and uses his intuitiveness as a guiding light.
This also means that a coach is comfortable in the position of not knowing and taking risks. Before asking a client to be open to new perspectives and experiment with life, we need to be able to do that by ourselves. A coach is comfortable with trying new approaches, tools and questions as well as taking chances with suggesting new directions if his intuition tells him that this could be beneficial for the client. A coach is confident with introducing or suggesting new perspectives and with reframing for the sake of the client's growth.
Finally, a professional coach demonstrates confidence in working with strong emotions. If a client gets emotional and starts crying, the coach doesn't get emotional too, neither does he get upset, confused or distracted. Rather, a coach uses every display of authentic emotions as an opportunity to take the client on a deeper level of self-exploration, self-discovery and demystifying barriers to learning.
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