On a career crossroad

Often times throughout their careers people find themselves on a career crossroad. They may have finally decided to pursue their dream, but something unexpected occurs and prevents them from moving forward. Or a great opportunity comes up which as promising as it is for the future as limiting it is for today. Or maybe pursuing a dream career, they find themselves burnt out and question their work family balance. Yes, everybody comes to a career crossroad, and often times makes decision on a direction based on either high excitement or exhaustion. However, crossroads are not pure opportunity, but career changing check points. That's why no matter how easy a decision on a direction might seem it's worth spending some quality time on examining it.

What is your career purpose?
What do you want to achieve? Where do you want to be in 5 years? What work would make you so happy and excited that you would wake every Monday to Friday with a smile on your face? Your career purpose is your career guiding light. When you know where you want to go and what career development you are pursuing, you can check the options in front of you through the lenses of your overall professional goal. Once you do that you will know what is best for you. And if you are still not aware of your career purpose it's worth discovering it. Otherwise you might find yourself in a lost, in missing valuable opportunities and overall in wasting your own time.

What are your priorities right now?
Where are you now in your life? What is happening that matters most to you right now? Is your career your number one priority? Or is it your family? Health? Education? If pursuing your career purpose is your number one priority no matter what, then you skip this part. If something else is getting your attention, energy and emotions then you need to go back to the crossroad and reevaluate your options in light of your current priorities. You might discover that the most exciting career options suits best your current priorities which would make this direction even more exciting to you. However, you might also realize that the most exciting options would prevent you from focusing on your priorities. Then the questions to ask yourself are: Are you willing to reprioritize? What sacrifices you will be making? How will they impact you? What about the other directions on the crossroad? How do they relate to your priorities?

What are your feelings?
Now look at what feelings each option evokes in you? What are your strongest emotions? Where they come from? What is it in this direction that gets you feel excited/angry/fulfilled/miserable? How can you address this feelings? Is there something else beneath the surface other than a career option? Try to get to the bottom of your feelings. Making a career decision based on emotions is not a smart move. As logical as it sounds to you today, tomorrow you may discover that you made the step with blurred mind.

How do you see yourself in 2 years walking on the chosen road?
And finally, once you made up your mind, give yourself the present of dreaming. Allow yourself to envision your life and career on the chosen direction. What do you see? How do you feel in your career? What else happens in your life with this career choice? Where are you 2 years from now? Who are you? How do you feel about this image of your future self?

What is your career crossroad story?

Career question: Who are your friends?

I have heard hundred times the assertion that people get to high level political and business positions because of their connections and because they know the right people. Have you? While this is probably the truth in many of the cases, it is also true that our friends and networks can have an impact on every step of our career.

A week ago I joined Facebook's BranchOut, and the statistics that I got on my profile blew me away. Only 53 of my friends have joined so far the application and with them I have 10 759 second degree connections and access to 4501 companies worldwide. Ok, officially this is impressive. These numbers reminded me again how important friends and networks are. No matter where you stand in your professional life, if you are at a state of desiring any change - small or big - you might want to remember that you have friends and networks.

You might want to learn something new in your profession that you haven't done before. Or you are interested in joining the forces of a particular company. Or maybe you are thinking of a career transition. Or you just need to exchange experience to enhance your competency. Whatever is in your mind, look at your friends and see who can support you with your idea. You might be surprised what they can offer you as your extended network hides myriad of secrets.

Next, check out your networks. They can provide you with valuable information, and intriguing insights. And ask yourself which networks have you joined, and are there other networks that can support your personal goals? For example, you can follow your target employers. More and more often companies use their social media tools to share job opportunities. Or you can join a group of fellow professionals who keep a dialogue on topics that match your career interests. You can also look for contests in social media and participate in them to further enhance your personal brand and communicate your expertise.

Remember, the opportunities that your friends and networks open are endless. It is up to you to jump and seize them.

What has this summer informed you about?

It is officially the end of the summer. What does this mean to you? From early childhood we associate the third quarter with a break - from kindergarten, school, and classes. And although businesses work with calendar years, we tend to restart our professional energy and commitment in September. Again, summer is gone, vacations are gone, and we are entering our new psychological business cycle. Hope it's an empowering one for all of you!

On the threshold of this new career cycle you can take for granted whatever comes up on your way or you can consciously determine how you want this cycle to run for you and where you want to be before next summer comes up. This means to pay close attention to your intrinsic professional desires and your career goals. I have written a lot about building individual development plans, focusing on passions and ultimate goals, and pursuing purpose. Now I want to share with you another simple technique to encourage reflection on your upcoming professional year. It is: listen to what happened during the summer.

If you think about it summer is a very informative period. Often times the work load is less than usual which allows us to breathe. If you have experienced this think what are you taking a breath from. How does it feel? How energized are you to jump back to the same workload? What do you want to change? What do you want to get rid of? What do you want to take in? The purpose of these questions is to reflect on what is it about your work that makes you tired or bored, and what is it that you love and want to have more.

Summer time is also vacation time. Think on how you felt during your days off. Were you thinking about your work? What did you miss about your work? What were you taking break from? What made you excited to go back to work? What was it about your work that filled you with some negativity on the first ride back to work? These type of questions will help you to emphasize on the best and worst aspects of your professional life. When you figure them out it will be much easier to build a strategy for enhancing the first and diminishing the latter.

And a final thought. Summer is also the time when we feel free and relaxed, and we are at our most outgoing-ness. We meet new people, we see new things, we come up with new ideas, we feel energized by our thoughts. So, what happened to you during the summer? What ideas, thoughts, desires came up to the surface? What made you smile and energized? Remember, nothing is impossible and you can achieve whatever you commit yourself to. And now, it's a great time to be strategic about your career advancement whatever that means to you.

What the summer informed you about? I would love to hear your thoughts :)
And again, I wish you an amazing you new career cycle!

When we respect people we build win-win situations

If I ask you "Who do you respect?" you will probably respond by naming a couple of people or more. Some of them could be from your personal networks, others could be public or historical figures who made an impact on you. So far, so good. If I then ask you "How did these people earn your respect?" you would probably come back with a list of descriptions of each of them that characterizes what you find unique and admirable about them. So far, so good. Now, I ask you "Who do you not respect?"

If you find yourself wondering how many people you don't respect, then you fall in the state of invalidating other people. One of the greatest lessons that I've learned in the ICA is that "Respect is not an outward judgement of someone, respect is an inward feeling about yourself". When you say that you are not respecting somebody, you are saying that you have some assumptions about that person, and that you judge him negatively based on your assumptions. What do you win from this? Actually can you think of any wins? You are making a statement that invalidates the other one and that's it. And there are some things that you lose. First, you stop yourself from getting to know the other one and with this you let go of a relationship. Second, you lose a potential networking partner. Third, you demonstrate to yourself the lack of some crucial leadership competencies, for example value for diversity, inclusion or suspending judgments. Moreover, you are sharing that there is something that bothers you and it might be beneficial to explore that. No need to say - in this case the other person loses too. He is being invalidated by you.

Another option you can take is to look at people through the lenses of values. Every person has unique characteristics and you can always find something that you can relate to, admire or value. Go back to a name that came to your mind when I asked you to think on who do you not respect. It is ok not to understand this person's motives, actions, behaviors or values. If you leave it here, you will feel good. You have reflected on who you are and what is it that you value, and you have discovered that the other person is way out of your value and belief system. You have reminded yourself one more time what your unique core self is. However, if you find the inner strength to recognize a strength in the other person, you will find yourself on a whole different level of self-development. You are saying out loud how satisfied are you with yourself, and how open are you to respect people for who they are. You can continue to build relationship with this person. You can move easily forward. You take a lesson with you. If you think even further, you are practicing challenging soft skills that can only support you with your self and leadership growth. Let's be honest, in this win-win situations you are the big winner!

Visualization as a self-development tool

Visualization as a technique is often times associated with dreams and making fantasies. That's true. However our dreams and fantasies speak about what we want, what we don't have and what would really make us happy. So why not utilize our visualizations to serve our self-development endeavors?

Visualizing is not only doing a spiritual activity or letting go of imagination. Visualizations take all kind of forms. You can find them in your thoughts, day-dreaming, pictures, or even in your Excell spreadsheet. One thing you should discover about yourself is what your own visualizing looks like. Do you like thinking about problems and imagining them? Do you like to close your eyes and have a picture of what happens around you? Do you like to put your thoughts in forms of pictures? Do you like journaling? Do you like building process maps and plans on a software application? Or maybe you have another creative technique that you've developed? Visualizing is very personal, and as many different people there are, as many different visualization approaches exist.

Once you are aware of what your magnificent personal visualization looks like you can try to apply it to whatever bothers or intrigues your mind. When you describe your challenge or goals with visuals you put yourself on another level of reflection and experimentation. The problem or desires are no more something vague, but something you see. Moreover you see yourself as an active player in dealing with them or achieving them. Through your visuals you see yourself in action; you observe what you are doing and you see yourself moving forward. The more specific you are, the more powerful your visuals are. They support you to build a clear picture of what you want to do and suggest the way you can do it.

With visualizing you become creative in building your personal agenda. You feel energized because you see your own capacity to achieve what you want. You come up with some ideas of the specific steps you need to take. You are aware of what you want and informed about what you need to do. Ant that is powerful!

Exploring perspectives

Sometimes we get stuck in what we see and we close the doors to the world that is outside of the perspective we hold. We are not aware of what others see and we are not aware that there might be something that we are missing. And when we do that we can possible lose a lot. We lose a learning opportunity; we lose the power of choice; we lose energy; we lose a piece of trust; and we lose our confidence. Moreover, when we stick to one perspective we might find ourselves lost or unable to move forward.

The ability to shift perspectives is an amazing powerful skill that could be only beneficial to you both with your personal and professional goals. Internalizing it as a practice brings to you lightness, richness and individual power. Shifting perspectives means that when you find yourself holding a certain view you are still able to step outside of it, look at it from different lenses, discover other possibilities, and then make a conscious choice on which perspective to move forward with. This skill supports you to work with your own assumptions, uncover underlying beliefs, empower yourself with different options and ultimately move forward stronger and enriched.

Here is a sample of exercises that encourage shifting perspectives:
1. Click here to see an exercise for reframing negative self-talk
2. Click here to explore an exercise for increasing self-esteem by reframing unhelpful thoughts
3. Click here to find a sample list of positive statements that encourage exploring perspectives.

Build structures that work for you

Structures is a word that we unconsciously associate with biology, chemistry, physics, society, organization, and data, but we rarely think of them as systems that support our own goals and development. However if you start looking at your surroundings and the meaning behind your actions you could find structures that you've built everywhere. Getting a coffee every morning when you wake up is a structure that supports your waking up process. The folders in your computer are a structure that helps you organize your data. Your calendar is a structure that moves you through your appointments and meetings. Your structures are powerful and you can make them even more powerful. So what can you do?

Start with what you have
Look around and discover the structures that you have already built. You might be aware of some of them and you might discover some that you've activated unconsciously. Think about your findings. Which structures are supporting you and which structures present as an obstacle to your own goals? Which ones need to stay and which ones you need to let go?

Make a reality check with your own goals
Spend some time to reflect on your personal goals and see how the structures you already have support you with them. Next, think about what areas you need to start structuring or further structure. When you do that it is also time to think of what type of structures work for you, make a link with your own personality and type to build structures that match who you are and empower you to move forward.

Structure your own structures
Build a plan on managing your own structures. Some elements to include are measurements of the efficiency of your structures and periods for reassessment. Don't let them stay forever. Come back to them from time to time to evaluate how they serve your needs and whether some new changes should be done. Make this process cyclical and take your life in your hands.

In what ways we make judgments and how are they not cool

We are surrounded by judgments. Everyday we hear our parents, friends, colleagues, and even strangers share their wisdom with us, give us some directions, tell us what we should do and what we should not do, and ordering us something. It seems like everybody has some idea for us how to live our own lives. Is it fun? Not exactly. As well intended their motives are, we know how to live our lives and we feel judged. Well, what about you? How many times a day do you judge people around you? If you wander how to answer this question, here are some clues on the forms of judging.

Comparing
We hear another person sharing their story with us. Our first reaction is: Yes, I understand you! Why do we say that? Because we've had the same experience or because somebody else have shared such experience with us. Well, if you stop for a minute, you will find out that we never have the same experience. For example, a friend lost his job, and we understand what he is going through because we have lost a job too. However, how you go through this change is quite different from the way your friend is dealing with that same change because you have different support systems, different financial backup, and different opportunities for the future. Now, when you compare your story with others stories you are judging that they have exactly the same feelings, hesitations and experience as yours. With that you stop paying attention to the needs of the other person and you stop yourself from supporting them.

Advising
Other times we hear somebody share a challenge, and we immediately jump in with an advice. And by doing that we are judging that the other person is stuck and can't find a solution alone. We are saying that we are better and we know more. We don't acknowledge that the other person is resourceful and can deal with that with his own strategy. We are draining their energy and refocusing it in our direction. We leave the person even less energized and probably without solution. Think how you feel when people give you advice when you are not asking for one. "You should get this job because it's better paid", "You should stop smoking because it ruins your health", "You should stop eating that much because you're getting fatter", etc. Did such advice make any difference for you? Probably, they leave some nuance of negativity. Well, do you want to have the same impact on other people?

Negative thinking
Sometimes without even thinking about it we start judging people because we have some negative thoughts or beliefs about them. Usually they are based on some diversity. We say to ourselves "I don't understand why he is doing that", "I don't like her because she left her husband", "He is very moody", etc. We observe something in the other person and if we don't recognize ourselves, we tend to judge them on the basis of unproved beliefs. And when we do that we stop ourselves from getting to know that person, to understand their own motives and values, and thus we lose an opportunity to discover another unique human being who can enrich our own thoughts and knowledge by bringing more diversity to them.

Suspending judgments is a practice that can support us in building valuable relationships and partnerships in life and work. Allowing the other people to be who they are and support their own decisions is a powerful way to build trust and long-lasting connections. It attracts people to us. It is an empowering approach to introducing shared leadership. And much more than that.

Do you have a self-management process in place?

When it comes to the word management, the visual is a person who manages other people. A common  definition of management is "the organization and coordination of the activities of an enterprise in accordance with certain policies and in achievement of defined goals.  If mastered, management leads to great results - goals achievement, enhanced productivity, bigger market share, low turnover and much more. You know how valuable management could be for organizations, but have you ever thought how powerful it could be for individual self development?

I am thinking of self-management and I define it as a process for organizing own activities in congruence with personal values, purpose, and preferences that leads to achieving goals for self-development. At its core self-management is about taking responsibility for our own progress and growth, holding ourselves accountable to our plans. A huge body of knowledge is available on management. We can all learn and adapt some affirmed techniques to support our own progress. Here is a simple strategy.

Planning and goal setting
Great manager know how to plan and set goals. You can do that too. Go back to your self development plan and check again what are your goals and visions for the future. And if you don't have a self-development plan, start building it know. Here is a post to support your endeavors. Plan your route to your desired future state. Start setting goals that would move you closer. Don't forget to set SMART goals.

Organizing
Great managers know how to organize, and great self-managers know that too. Build some structures that would support your plans and goal achievement. What do you struggle with? What are your barriers? What needs to be in place in order for you to move forward? Spend some time with reflections to address areas that need to be structured. Organize your life in a way that would make place for your self-development among all your other responsibilities.

Controlling and Problem Solving
Great managers also control and solve problems. Guess what, you can do that too! Check how are you doing with your goals. If there are disruptions or difficulties, find a way to control them. Don't allow them to transfer into obstacles to your own self-development. Don't give up when you are facing problems. Use them as an opportunity to enhance your problem solving skills. Don't hesitate to look for help. (Great managers have allies too.) Your self-development is in your hands. It is you who is in charge.

Surface your assumptions

Surfacing assumptions is a core coaching competency that supports building the trusting and empowering partnership between the coach and the client, and also allows for authentic coaching to happen. However, mastering this competency could be equally valuable for each of you both in life and in work.

What assumptions actually do is putting you in a closed box where you find yourself alone with your judgmental thoughts. They close the doors for exploration of other truths and other perspectives. They trap you in your own emotionally charged views and enhance your own belief behind the assumptions you are making. How is this helping you? Only you have the answer. Whatever it is, it's worth to bring your assumptions to the surface and examine them.

Imagine the opposite. You are not making assumptions. Instead of putting a label on something or somebody, you rush to explore what is it out there, what can you discover, how you can inform yourself further and enhance your own knowledge. You discover that there is so much uniqueness in the world, so much to learn, so much to explore... How does this sound to you?

What are you delaying and what can you learn from that?

There are certain moments in life when you know you need to do something or want to do something, yet you don't. It could be something small like finally singing karaoke, or it could be something life-changing like choosing a new career direction. Whatever it is, if you are not taking an action, then you find yourself in a delay. There are two types of delays which I call planned and questionable. Planned delay occurs when you are delaying an action on purpose. You want to make other actions before moving to this one or you want to sum up your necessary resources. Whatever your specific purpose is, your delay is part of your individual plan and demonstrates your commitment to your own development. The challenging one is the questionable one. There are no obvious reasons for it, yet it is a fact.

Questionable delays present as an obstacle on your way to pursuing your dreams and personal goals. They can have a negative influence on your confidence, your personal agenda and even on your own growth. However, you can transform your questionable delays into a valuable learning experience if you commit to challenging them.

The first step in this process is to take a moment to identify those delays. The second one is to start thinking what it is that prevents you from moving to action. You may be surprised what you can find - assumptions, underlying beliefs, fear, lack of knowledge, scarce resources, self-doubt, lack of confidence and only you know what else. Once, you have identified your self-barrier it's time to measure how not acting would affect you. If it has a neutral influence, you can decide if the adventure is worthy. If it has any nuances of negative impact on your plans and self-growth, it's time to act on the delay. And the very first step is transforming your barrier to action into an area for self-development.

Building capacity to deal with change

Making a shift of mind from resisting a change to embracing it is a challenging but very rewarding process. The first step is identifying that resistance is taking place in your life. This is a very personal experience that may have very different faces: apathy, fear, compliance, stress, confusion, inaction, embarrassment or disorientation. The common denominator in all these masks of resistance is that they keep you in a state of constantly contemplating about the past that is not coming back.

Once you become aware that you are resisting a change try to understand where it comes from. You might believe that you are extremely satisfied with your life without the change or that you fear the unknown future. You might be angry because it is not your decision, but the change was forced to you. Or you may feel that you will not be able to adapt. Whatever your intrinsic feelings and emotions are bring them to the surface. Face these underlying beliefs and allow yourself some time to reflect on them.

Work with your triggers for resisting change. Transform them into statements. Think if you are making any assumptions when resisting the change. How logical are your statements? How realistic are they? What evidence do you have that supports your statements and beliefs? In what ways they support you to move forward with your life when you are dealing with change? In what ways they present as roadblocks?

Think of another change experiences in your life when you were again in change resisting mindset. How did you deal with it? What support you needed to move consciously in those new stages of your life? Identify all the conditions, support and resources that have helped you to overcome the initial discomfort of change. Don’t wait and sum them all immediately to address your resistance in an early stage.

Once you become aware of the reasons for your resistance and your own strategies to deal with it, you will immediately experience relaxation and empowerment. You will be able to let go of the old roles, patterns and experience, and you will start looking into the future. You will gain back you self-confidence and you will check in your individual development plan to reflect on where you are and what options you have in this new situation to move to the next level of your growth as an individual and professional. At the moment you consciously close the door of the ending you are experience, you will find myriad doors in front to explore. Empowered by your own capacity and commitment to self, you will enter the new stage of your life stronger and more energized.

What you need to know about change

Change has always been part of our lives as humans. From the inevitable changes that we cannot escape from, such as saying goodbye to childhood, entering a school or becoming an independent adult, through the unexpected changes that appear on our way, such as change of a job, working with new team member or ending a relationship, to the planned changes like moving to a new place, becoming a parent or getting a promotion – we are all surrounded by both anticipated and unforeseen changes. Change can result in great discomfort and even misery. It can also be confusing and stressful. And this is normal. When a person is dealing with change he or she inevitably goes through a personal transition which Bridges (2004) defines as a difficult process of letting go of an old situation, of suffering the confusing nowhere of in-betweenness, and of launching forth again in a new situation (p. 4). So how can we face a change while we are in a personal transition? The two opposing sides of the spectrum of reacting to change are embracing it and resisting it.

The more natural response to change is resistance. A number of conditions explain this phenomenon. O’Toole (1995) provides a detailed list of the root causes of resistance to change, which includes fear of the unknown; lack of self-confidence to face the new situation; satisfaction with the status quo; shock of the future;  lack of knowledge about what is coming up; and short-term thinking to name a few (p. 161-163). Resistance to change could be viewed as a healthy human instinct. However if we let it to overwhelm us it becomes a huge roadblock to self-development. It prevents us from living a healthy and fulfilling life by forcing us to be stuck with the past. It distorts our self-awareness and self-confidence, and thus shuts our mind to explore new opportunities.

On the other hand, embracing a change is a powerful mindset that supports us to reflect on the new situation we are facing, discover the new opportunities that present on our way and move forward in the future with confidence that we have made the most out of the change. When we are embracing new beginnings, we are comfortable with letting go of the past and be curious about the future. And when we do that we suddenly discover how a change could bring value in our lives, how it could support our personal development plans, and how we can grow as individuals and professionals by experiencing it. We realize that change is not a dreadful ending, but an intriguing new beginning. We become again our best-selfs and we delve into the myriad possibilities that we start discovering around us.

Embracing = Awareness + Discovering opportunities + Self-development

Resisting = Unawareness + Missing opportunities + Being stuck

What to do with doubts?

When we want to move forward or to make an important decision we sometimes face our deepest self-doubts. Deciding to introduce some change in our personal lives, no matter how significant it is, involves to some extend risk and uncertainty. Yet, it is change that supports our growth. Plus, the way to pursuing our intrinsic desires could be risky. It is a normal human reaction to experience doubt when deciding to take action. A little dose of doubt could be healthy as it reveals areas for development and enhances self-awareness. However, if self-doubt takes the lead in our thinking process it becomes a barrier to our self-development endeavors. 

The truth is the more time you spend on self-doubt, the worst you feel. Doubt has this magical influence to bring to the surface all our hidden fears, failures, negative feedbacks and other negative cognitive artifacts, no matter whether they are substantial or logical. Doubt presents as the worst obstacle to self-development as it directly eats your courage, empowerment and enthusiasm. When you doubt yourself, other people start doubting you too. Is it worth? Definitely not!

The good news about self-doubt is that it is something that you have created for yourself. In other words it is only in your head and you have the power to delete it and move forward without it. Being in a position of managing your own doubt is a powerful one to be in! Here are some strategies to support you in this position.

Step 1: Diminish the doubt

For everything you doubt in yourself, there are 10 things you can trust. When you find yourself doubting something, starting making up a list of 10 things that you can trust yourself. Oppose your doubt to your 10 strengths. How it feels to experience your self-doubt being overpowered by your self-trust? 

Step 2: Destroy the doubt

Think about your self-doubt. How logical is it? What evidence do you have that supports it? What examples do you have that demonstrate it? The more you look into the details, the more you find that your doubt is a mask of some assumptions that you are making about yourself.  

Step 3: Sum up your self-trust

Keep in your mind your purpose, your values, and your goals. Now that you are aware of all your strengths and assumptions, build up a strategy that would help you to move forward by focusing on your powers and transforming your doubts into areas for self-development. When you do that, you will immediately feel energized and motivated to move forward with your plans.

Step 4: Internalize self-trust practices

Don't allow your self-trust to fade away. Build up some practices that will support you with this effort. Follow this link if you want to check out some ideas on how to explore and enhance your self-trust.

The beauty of taking responsibility for what is happening in our lives

Often times when something is going wrong or not the way that we want it to be, one finds himself in a position to blame everything and everybody around, but not to look at what his role is in this undesired outcome. Blaming is a popular game. It releases emotions; it takes off the burden from our shoulders; it makes us feel comfortable; and it serves as a protection shield. However, blame game is not fair. It's not fair to others, and it's not fair to you. And most importantly it doesn't lead to any positive outcomes. When you are living your lives from the position of blaming something or somebody else you become disabled to learn. You don't reflect, you lose self-awareness, you lose our purpose center. So why play the blame game?

How about playing a much more productive, intriguing and self-fulfilling game. Let's call it The Wisdom of the Responsible. The idea of the game is to start practicing responsibility. Every time you find yourself starting to blame, stop yourself, and invite your thoughts to discover what your role is in what is happening and what benefits can you take from it. Discover how your actions/ inactions, motives and underlying beliefs influenced the processes that led to the outcome you are experiencing. Think of what is happening in terms of a system in which you are a central part. Next, think what you could have done differently to achieve the results you wanted. When you find the answer to that question, you will immediately understand in what ways you are contributing to what is happening in your life. If you move a step further and admit that insights to yourself, you are now taking responsibility. And when you start acting from the lenses of being responsible you are acting from a position of learning strength. You are no more disappointed about the misfortunes that occur or the obstacles that you meet your way. On the contrary, you start using every single minute to enhance your own self and to learn so that to build a capacity to move forward to your desired destination You are now in such a powerful position! Enjoy it!

"I have to do it" or "I'll make it happen"?

Often times I have heard people complaining that it is Monday and the work week starts. They are not living each week, rather they are surviving with the thought that Friday would come. Are you one of those people? Are you spending more than 2/3 of your time contemplating the time to pass?

Another way to approach your current career situation is to ask yourself: Do I have to do this task or am I committed to make it happen? As simply as it sounds, this question can lead you to unexplored deep waters of your career satisfaction.

If the governing phrases that you use to describe your job are "I have to", "I am not interested in it" or "I don't want it" than it might be time to reflect on where you are and what keeps  you there. If you find yourself in a compliance mode at work, you are not serving your company, but most importantly you are not serving yourself. If you are complying, then you lack intrinsic motivation. There might be myriad reasons for that: you are not recognized, you are not rewarded as you expect you should be, you don't have any opportunities for development or you are not working what you want to work. Discover what your trigger is for lack of career satisfaction and address it. You want to overcome this barrier because when you do that you move to the other side of the fence, and it is an empowering one!

The other side is commitment. The governing phrases that you use here to describe your job are "I want it", "I will make it happen" and "I am so committed to pursuing it". How exciting it is to start each week with the feeling that you have a number of chances to do what you love to do and to pursue your own purpose in life! What a beautiful feeling it is to feel fulfilled! What an inspiring situation it is to bring meaning in the world and to feel proud of being part of it! What a valuable experience it is to take the most of what you are doing, and to use it as a personal and professional development opportunity. Yes, you might want to explore this side!

Sum up your confidence to move forward

There are points in your lives when you may feel stuck to move forward because you don't trust yourself. You might doubt your abilities or skills. You might make excuse that this is not the right time. You might think that you don't have the necessary resources. Or you may feel that your family would not support you. No matter what is going on in your head, if you are not thinking how to get where you want to go, but what stops you from getting there, it might be a great idea to start with a boost on your self-confidence.

The force-field analysis for enhancing self-confidence

Step 1. Initial assessment

On a scale of 1 to 10 where 1 is "not confident" and 10 is "100% confident", where do you find yourself at the moment?

Step 2. Identification of self-confidence driving and restraining forces

• Draw a vertical line. 
• Thinking of the result you have just scored for your self-confidence, start listing on the left side of line all the driving forces that make you feel confident. Rank each of them in congruence with the strength of their influence you feel right now.
• Next, think what keeps you away from the score of 10; list on the right side all the restraining forces that stay on your way to being fully confident that you can identify. Rank each of them in congruence with the strength of their influence you feel right now.
• Go back to the left column. Start thinking on all other factors that make you feel confident in general but are not present in this particular case. List them below your driving forces with rank 0.

Step 3. Build a strategy
Now that you have a clear picture of what enhances your self-confidence and what keeps it from further enhancement, start thinking of strategy that would enhance the power of your driving forces. This may include:

• strengthening existing driving forces; 
• activating driving forces that are not currently having an influence in your confidence field analysis, but in general boost your confidence;
• removing restraining forces or diminishing their influence on your confidence field;
• transforming a restraining force into driving force.

Step 4. Action plan

Develop an action plan to implement your strategy. Identify what resources or support you need on the way. Don't ignore the small steps. They could lead to something big.

Step 5. Start right now

What is one thing you can do right now to win a point from the restraining forces and add it to your driving forces? Do it! And celebrate your first win!

Practice power listening to experience a huge shift in relationships

In my school ICA we have a special module, called power listening. It refers to one of the competencies that form the unique coaching competencies set that we offer to our clients. Power listening refers to going beyond what the other person says, and listen to the words the person says, the meaning that comes with those words, the things that the person doesn't say, the tone of the voice and the inner expression as well as to the non-verbal voice of the person. Power listening can take you on another level of understanding the other person, and ultimately to a higher level of relationship or partnership with that person.

Yes, power listening is a coaching competency.  Yet, it is also a beautiful competency to practice in your personal and professional life. Try to think when was the last time when you felt genuinely heard and understood. Probably it would take you a while. Try to think of the last time you felt unheard and your words were skipped away. That one would probably come easier. Well, chances are a lot of people around you feel the same. In this fast paced environment we all live in it is difficult to dedicate time to other people and it is even more difficult to dedicate consciously our full attention. The consequences - people skip away each other.

If you start practicing power listening you will experience a whole different energy when interacting with other people. You can make them feel good; you can motivate them toward a goal; you can encourage them to be honest and open with you. On your behalf: you can experience what it feels people to trust you; you can build open relationships or partnerships; you can find some allies; you can better understand the people around you and their intrinsic motives; and you will definitely feel empowered by this whole new energy you create.

Here are some tips to help you prepare:

1. Devote some time to the other person. Try to find a place where you both would not be distracted by other people, noises or phone rings.

2. Temporarily disable your own thoughts and feelings. Focus on the other person and what they need to say, just listen to what they need to share.

3. Suspend your judgements. Don't try to judge, evaluate or give opinion to what the other person is saying. Again, just listen. Be curious to find out what it is to be in the other person's shoes.

4. Activate your inquiry. If you want to find more about what the other person is saying or if you are not sure if you understand correctly what is being said, asked questions to bring clarity in your mind. Make sure you genuinely understand the other person.

5. Give yourself few minutes to reflect on this experience, its impact on and effect of the interaction before you move back to your normal mode.

Power listening is not only a coaching competency. It is also a leadership competency, a great friend competency, and a great team member competency. 

Self-development plan strategies

Planning and plans: another two words we hear so often in our business lives. It's all about the plans - the daily plan, the week plan, the month plan, the quarter plan, the year plan, the project plan, the financial plan, etc. It could be overwhelming. And it's all about business goals and business development. My challenging question to you is: how are you doing with your own development plan?

You might have never thought about it. Or you might have one in place but haven't revised it for a long period.  Or maybe you are a devoted planner of your own growth. Whatever your current situation is, it is really important to remember that having in place a fresh development plan is about being aware of where you want to go and what you want to do with your own life. It is empowering because it supports you to live on your own purpose. Here are few perspectives to encourage your thinking in terms of your self-development plan.

How does it look like?

Your self-development plan is yours! It can take any form as long as it works for you. Paper, Word, Excell, Powerpoint, thoughts, notes... The form doesn't matter. What matters is that it suits you, you are comfortable with it and you can get to it anytime you want.

What's included?

A self-development plan includes everything that supports your learning. From  reading an article, to researching information, to journaling, or going back to school - everything counts. What is important is being aware of activities that would help you to get to your desired future. It could be challenging yourself to engage in meaningful conversations once a week. Or maybe journaling about the things that you do and bring meaning in your life. Or attending a business seminar. Or try to get in touch with someone. Or find your coach. Or practicing certain skills. There is no list that could cover the variety of self-development activities. And there is definitely no list that would cover your unique activities. It all comes down to knowing yourself and your intrinsic desires and committing to make them happen.

What else should I consider?

There are a lot of factors that could have an impact on your self-development plan. One of them is time restriction. Think about your activities and how much time you can spend on them. Be realistic. Don't push yourself to burning out. And don't do something for the sake of going through it without taking the most value of it. Another factor are resources. Do you need to invest money in your development? How much can you afford? Considering your finances what are your best options? What kind of help you need? Do you have family members/ friends/ colleagues that could take some of the other burden so that you can jump in your self-development? Think about other factors that play in your life.

How often do I need to revise my plan?

When it comes to your self-development you are decision maker. It is not mandatory to revise your plan. However it is highly commendable to go back to it from time to time. You can check it on a daily basis if it keeps you motivated and on track. Or you can evaluate your progress few times a year to make sure you are moving forward. When you do that, don't forget to think of your final destination. If there are changes in it, it is possible that you plan needs some changes too. If you face some unexpected circumstances that could impact your plan, check out again what revisions must be made in order to accommodate these circumstances. Overall, revise your plan in your own pace.

Above all - don't forget to have fun. Committing to your self-development and growth is so empowering that once you experience it, you would hardly let it go. This is an amazing practice that would show you the beauty of your own life. Enjoy it!

Creating your vision

Have you ever thought about what it is that you want to achieve in life? What legacy do you want to leave behind? What it is that you were born to achieve? What it is that you are so passionate about that if you do it you will rock your world and the world of other people? All these questions find an answer in a personal vision statement. Do you have one? If you do, I want to acknowledge you for that! If you don't I want to encourage you to start building it.

Nowadays a strong organization has corporate values, a mission statement, and a vision statement. They all describe what the organization is all about, what it stands for and what can you expect from it. They might be called with other fancy names, like philosophy or commitment, but if they are strong and trustworthy, they may the organization look fancy and attractive in the eyes of employees and consumers. Have you ever been proud of being a member or a consumer of an organization? The feeling is great. But even greater is the feeling of pursuing your own vision. Here is a strategy how to start building it.

Build a picture of your ideal future

Think in a long-term perspective - 5 years or even 10 years. Imagine your ideal self that lives a flawless and fulfilling life. Look in the details. How do you feel? What do you do? What do you work? How working feels life? What results are you delivering? What type of organization you work for? How many people work with you? What function are you involved in? What is your family? What do you do together? How do you have fun? Who are your friends? What is relationship with them? Think not only of the practical circumstances, but also on your needs, feelings and behavior.

Start envisioning

Now that you have this future picture of yourself, start reflecting on what is it that really matters to you. Some other questions to help you in this process are: What do you want to achieve and how do you want to achieve it? What are you committed to do in your life? What will make your life fulfilling? What do you stand for? When you give answers to these questions, you will start seeing in your words your vision. Try to sum it up with a statement.
My vision is to...
If you are not that good with putting into words your thoughts and feelings, here is a nice resource for building you vision, developed by Franklin Covey. Check it out, it might help. 

Build a plan for pursuing your vision

Don't let your vision state on paper or in Word. Start living it now.

• Think of what needs to happen in order for you to achieve your vision. What knowledge, skills, resources, and support you need?
• Design your own individual development plan that would address these areas.
• Come up with at least three steps that you can take right now and that would move you closer to you achieving your vision.
• Act on these steps.
• Celebrate your early wins.

 And most importantly - enjoy this journey!

The beauty of living a value-based life

Values are those invisible elements of self that have a huge impact on own perceptions of meaning and significance. We all have them, but not all of us are aware of them, and not all of us use them to create our lives. When a person lives a life based on his personal values, he fills fulfilled, empowered, happy and ready to take everything that life has to offer. On the other hand, when a person lives a life without self-awareness of his own values or with compromising on own values, something just doesn't feel right. The more one does that, the more stuck he gets. This could result in lack of motivation, lack of confidence, lack of direction and other self-limiting moods.

This is why it is always advisable to take some time to reflect on your own values and to what extend they are part of your decision and choice making. When it comes to values it is difficult to talk about models and concepts as each individual is unique and lives up to own values in a unique way. However, to get you started on this thinking path, here are three major states of mind you might find yourself in and some strategies on where to go from where you find yourself.

I have never thought what is it that I value in my life 

If you are in a position in which you've never had the time or opportunity to reflect upon your values, you are missing a huge source of energy and joy to boost you through your life experiences. Once you start thinking in terms of what you value and align your values with your actions, you will experience an unknown empowerment. So how to get started?

The strategy: 

Draw in your mind a picture of your ideal self. Look in the details. How do you look? What is your work? Who are you working with? Who is in your circle of family and friends? What do you do for fun? How do you relax? How do you feel? And so on.
Next, make a list of all the qualities and characteristics that describe your ideal self. If you are stuck at this point, here is a great list of values that can enhance your reflections. However, this list is not exhaustive, so don't be afraid to com up with your own qualities.
Now that you have this list of qualities that would make your ideal self, think about 3 to 5 that bring most meaning in your life; ones that you are not ready to sacrifice no matter what.
Finally, think about how your top values apply in your life. Are they present? In which areas are they present? Where are they sacrificed? What makes you give up on your values in these areas? These are just a few questions that can encourage you to delve into self-exploration.
Or, if you are fan of tests, you can try the resource of Coach Rachelle Disbennett-Lee that will help you discover your values.

I know what my values are, but I don't have the option to live up to them

This is probably the most challenging mind-set. If you find yourself here, there are two strategies I would offer you.
Strategy 1:
Find some time to reevaluate your values. I personally believe that values evolve over time. If you have identified your values some time ago, it might be useful to reflect on what is it that matters to you today and brings meaning in your everyday activities. You might come up to some intriguing insights about your values, and discover that you are actually on your values path. However, if this is not the case, check out the next strategy.

Strategy 2: 

You are aware of your values and you are aware that you are compromising on them in your daily life. This is a huge advantage and I want to acknowledge you about that. Now you have to reflect on what sacrifices are you making when you are not living up to your values. Next, think how do you feel when you are compromising with your values: are you happy, empowered, energized? Where do you see yourself in 5 years if you continue to give up on your values? Finally, pay attention to how you feel during this process? Are you ok with your current situation or you are ready to take action?

I am living a value-based life

Congratulations! Spread the word! Share your story with your significant others to help them feel the empowerment and beauty of living up to own values.

The Strategy: 

Don't allow you authenticity and momentum to slip away. You have gone through the process of identifying your values and finding your unique way to live up to them. It would be beneficial if you internalize this process as a practice and come back periodically to these type of activities in order to be up to date with your personal growth and your values life path.

Is your self-awareness with you?

In this fast-paced environment we are living in, we are all focused on accomplishing the necessary short-term tasks that keep us moving from one day to another. Wake up at 7 am; go to the office; do the work routines; complete a stage of a project; do the grocery; pick up the kids; make a dinner; visit parents; do a homework; spend time with the kids; put them to sleep; wash the dishes... These are just some standard lines in a standard to do list. And when you are done with your personalized daily task list you suddenly discover it's already late and there is no time left to... go beyond this task list. Does this sound familiar? If it does, then you may find yourself stuck in the daily routine and away of your self-awareness. If this is the case, it's time to get it back! No matter how far your awareness is, you can have it back immediately.

Self-awareness is a conscious state of mind. You cannot have it if you are not committed to having it. It is being fully sensitive to who you are and what you want to do in your life. When you are aware, you start experiencing a new world. It is a world in which you are the leader, you are the principal. Self-awareness opens your eyes to see everything that matters to you: what you value, what you love, what brings smile on your face, what you are passionate about, what you care about. Trust me, this is a picture you might want to see! And here is how you can get it.

1. Mark down in your calendar a time for yourself - a time when you can be alone with no disturbances and distractions. This is not a one time appointment with self, rather you should do this on a weekly basis.

2. Relax. You can use a meditation technique if you have one. Or listen to your favorite music. Or go for a walk. Or you can just breathe deep for a while. Do whatever makes you feel relaxed.

3. Enter a reflection journey. Start asking yourself questions about what matters to you and what is it that makes you the unique individual you are. Here is a great resource to give you a head start for self-discovery.

4. Enjoy your inner exploration. What are you finding there?

Once you tune in on the self-awareness frequencies, you will find it tempting to continue to do that. Well, this is a temptation you don't want to resist. Part of this amazing feeling is that you start clearly seeing who you are as a person and as a professional, what are your drivers to actions and decisions, what are your values, beliefs and inner desires, what is it that you want to achieve, what are you passionate about, what brings meaning to you life, and so much more. It is a new envisioning of a completely different life. And what an empowering one it is!

What can you expect from your coach? (4)

FACILITATING LEARNING AND RESULTS

At the end coaching is all about the client's learning and development so it is very important that a coach is able to facilitate the achievement of this ultimate goal. Although it takes a palette of skills, personality and proficiency in the field to master a client's learning and growth, there are four competencies that ICF identifies as a must-be-mastered by every professional coach. Here they are.

Competency 8: Creating Awareness

Creating awareness is this mystic ability to help the client gain awareness in every aspect of his life so that he is able to better understand where he stands, what is it that he wants to achieve, and achieve the agreed-upon results. Becoming aware is one of the great outcomes you will experience from coaching. It is not easy to describe how a coach manages that, but there are some specific behaviors you can expect from your coach within this competency.

A professional coach would not get hooked in the client's descriptions. Rather, he would go beyond what is said in order to discover together with the client what is meaningful, significant and important for the future. It is like taking the essence from every story or description and helping the client to reflect on what really really really matters. This is why a coach will ask a lot of questions that stimulate deeper understanding, clarity, and ultimately - awareness. He would also help in distinguishing temporary or accidental from persisting and intentional which usually leads to great insights about oneself.

Next, a professional coach helps the client to identify his hidden or underlying concerns and fears, as well as existing mental models and self-limiting beliefs that present as barriers to change and growth. A coach senses when such exist and through powerful questioning and applying theoretical models he encourages the client to bring to the surface these thinking distortions and overcome their negative influence on personal development. Your coach would also bring to discussion observed discrepancies between your values and goals and your actions. Example: "I know that your goal is to transition to marketing, and I am confused how accepting this new role would help you with that".

I have already mentioned the magic of introducing reframing to clients. Part of the magic is enhancing awareness. A professional coach knows how to communicates broader or different perspectives to clients and inspire them to find new possibilities for action, to discover new beliefs, perceptions, emotions and desires, and ultimately to achieve what really matters to them and do so with respect to their own values. A coach invites the client in a journey of looking what is outside of the box - what other factors are there, what unnoticed interrelationships exist.

Bringing awareness is also about discovering own strengths for growth and development. A professional coach is able to understand what is important to address during coaching sessions. Here you can find a big influence of the positive psychology. In coaching it is not typical to talk about weaknesses. Every client has unique strengths - knowledge, skills, expertise, personality - that they bring to the world around them. The challenge is to discover what they are and utilize them as a solid foundation for pursuing own goals while keeping an eye to potential areas for further development.

Competency 9: Designing Actions

This is the ability of the coach to create with the client ongoing opportunities for learning, both in coaching sessions and in real life situation, and to encourage the client to take new actions that would lead him to achieving the agreed goals. Here is how a professional coach does that.

Once a milestone is identified or a learning opportunity has occurred, a coach would assist the client in identifying specific actions to demonstrate, practice and further deepen it. Through brainstorming, detailed analysis or other techniques the clients identifies what the next step should be. Coaching is about forward moving, so expect this to be a consistent element of the sessions. Probably, a coach would not only encourage you to active experimentation, but would also insist on self-reflection on the experiments as a way to gain new insights and enhance learning. This is why a professional coach would give you some homework to do. This is important because when you start coaching you are not only attending sessions but you commit to learning and development which continues in between them.

When there is a goal, the road to achieving it shows with ups and downs. The coach is always there for the client to identify obstacles, concerns or unexpected problems and find ways to overcome them. The coach is also there to stimulate discovery of new opportunities, resources and tracks. As an ongoing developmental relationship coaching is a lot about being open to exploring alternative solutions and ideas, evaluating options and taking decisions to move forward.

When a client needs immediate practice, a professional coach is able to provide support for such learning during the session. The "training" is designed and done in the moment, and it is the debrief after it that brings learning value. Sometimes a client needs just few minutes of practice. Other times the practice could take the whole session. It's up to the client. After all a coach provides a safe learning environment with comfortable for the client pace of learning.

Competency 10: Planning and Goal Setting

This is the ability to develop and maintain an effective coaching plan with the client. More specifically, the ICF expects a professional coach to establish a coaching plan and specific goals that address the client's concerns and major areas for learning and development. This is done hand by hand with pursuing early small wins and wins all the way long, with identifying different resources to the client, and periodically reassessing the goals and accomplishments.

Competency 11: Managing Progress and Accountability

This is a special ability to hold attention on what is important to the client, keep a track of the client's progress and leave responsibility with the client to take actions. Some coaches would ask you if you give them permission to hold you accountable about pursuing your goals and completing agreed assignments. When you allow yourself to be held accountable you receive an extra push and stimulus to implement in real life what you discover during coaching. It is a great way of making the progress ongoing. So what your coach might do during the sessions? A professional coach will promote your self-discipline, and hold you accountable for doing what you say you are going to do, for the results of the intended action and for sticking to the agreed action plan. And if you do not accomplish something you promised or you have problems with the action plan, your coach is there to confront you in a positive way, help you discover what holds you back, and encourage you to find your best way to move forward. This is also a way for a coach to facilitate the enhancement of a client's ability to make decisions, address issues, reflect, learn and grow.

Also, your coach will facilitate your commitment to specific actions that would move you forward to achieving your goals. During sessions you will come up with ideas how to move forward and you will choose the ones that best suit your current situation/ condition/ readiness level. On the next session you would probably start with a debrief - what happened between the coaching sessions, how are you doing with your learning and accomplishments, how the agreed actions went on - what worked well, what didn't work well, what could be done better the next time. Your coach would acknowledge you for everything you have achieved, learned or just experimented with. Acknowledgment is always a huge part of coaching. It is not a random praising for the sake of the client's self-confidence. It is taking the time to show appreciation to the client's taking risk, experimenting with new activities, embracing learning opportunities or showing bravery to pursue his own purpose in life.

At the same time your coach would be always attentive to your coaching plan and will keep you on track with where you stand on the road to pursuing your goals and where you want to go from now on. Although the focus is on the original plan for coaching, a professional coach is always open to readjustment and change due to shifts or "a-ha" moments that come up in session or when something else in the client's life asks for that. Your coach is your partner. Trust him to share any milestones or events you encounter in your life in order to get the most of your coaching.

These are the coaching competencies as identified by the ICF. Don't forget that every coach is unique and will build a unique relationship with you and unique coaching environment. If there is a much between you and your coach, there would be no limits to your learning and growth. I have experienced it. I wish it to every one of you!

What can you expect from a professional coach? (3)

COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY

This group of competencies focuses on  the power tool that coaches bring to the table - a unique set of communicating skills that, when combined, build the distinguished empowering coaching experience. Only those who have done it can describe it. So what are the secrets of effective coaching communication?

Competency 5: Active Listening

This competency describes the ability of the coach to focus completely and to understand fully what the client says through words and through non-verbal means with full awareness of the client's uniqueness (personality, needs, goals, style, etc.). There are specific behaviors to follow unconditionally in order to achieve mastery on this competency.

A professional coach always attends to the client's agenda and nothing else. The client decides what is important to him, what he wants to focus on, what goals he wants to achieve and how to do that. As a human being a coach always has an advice to offer. As an expert in a certain field a coach always has a solution to give. None of this works for the purposes of genuine coaching. Be aware if you coach goes in the direction of "Your problem is..", "I think the best thing for you is to..." or "Let me tell you how I handled a similar situation..." This also means that a coach would never judge what you are saying, nor will he demonstrate personal attachment to what you are sharing.

A professional coach hears what the client shares about his values, beliefs, goals and concerns. The role of the coach is not to dispute them or change the client's mind. Rather, a coach challenges the client to go on a deeper level of self-exploration, self-discovery and commitment to self. The purpose is to join the client in a journey of confronting boundaries, limitations, assumptions and mental orders in order to make a stretch to an upper level of growth and development.

A coach listens not only to the words, but also to the tone of the voice, the face expressions, the body language and the emotions. A coach sees that while committing to a desired goal, a sad expression appears on the face of the client. He immediately starts exploring this shift of mood. What is going on right now in the client's head? What are his thoughts? What provoked these thoughts? What is the connection between the goal and the thoughts? What can he do about them? A coach constantly encourages the client to express his feelings, concerns, beliefs, perceptions and ideas, and accepts them with respect. However, at the same time the coach always tries to further explore those that appear to be significant for the client and for his development process.

A very important skill for a coach is to summarize, paraphrase and mirror back to what the client has said. On behalf of the coach this is crucial to be sure that he is where the client is. On the other hand, this skill could be very helpful for the client. There is a great power in listening to somebody saying what you are saying. It provides an opportunity for further reflection, taking a different stance and even assessing how realistic, beautiful, sincere, etc. your own story is. Being on the same track is important for yet another reason. It helps the coach to continuously design the coaching process in a way that supports the client's ideas, suggestions and agenda which is the governing idea of the coaching.


A final behavior worth mentioning within this competency is the "bottom-lining". This is the skill to understand what the client's agenda is and to help him get where he wants to go. Every coaching session is time-bounded, and every minute is precious for the client. This is why a coach knows when to interrupt a long descriptive story or a story that goes far beyond the set coaching goals in order to get the client back on the developmental path. Sometimes you will not even understand when this happens. Other times you may feel confused, disappointed or even angry because you feel your coach was not supporting or was bored with your story. He said to you: "What is the connection between this story and your goal?", "I think that you are trying to ignore the real problem. Let's go back to..." or "This story seems intriguing, but let's not avoid the issue we came upon..." Well, trust your coach. He is doing that to help you get the most of your coaching session and to climb your potentials' tops.

Competency 6: Powerful Questioning

This competency is probably the most easily assessed one. It is the ability to reveal information that helps the client to move forward and to achieve the highs he wants to achieve. The ICF identifies four types of questions that a professional coach should master. These are:

• questions that reflect active listening and an understanding of the client's perspective; 
• questions that evoke discovery, action, commitment or action; 
• open questions that create greater possibility or opportunity for learning;
• questions that move the clients toward their desired goals or future.

The powerful questioning is a special skillset that coaches bring to the table. It is possible that one question fits within more than one of these categories. In the end all that matters is whether the client feels empowered after the session and whether he moves forward. Check out this scenario. A client comes to coaching with the defined goal of getting a promotion. He has mentioned in previous sessions that his boss confronts him occasionally and he struggles to effectively manage those conflicts. Today he mentions a new fight which seems to affect him. Consider the difference between a coach simply asking "Why are you angry at your boss this time?", and the more exploratory question "I know that you are overwhelmed by the conflicts with your boss and I see that you are getting more and more frustrated. Let's explore what are your invisible barriers to opposing him. Can you go back to your last confrontation and describe what exactly happened?"

Competency 7: Direct Communication

This competency describes the ability to communicate effectively during the coaching sessions in order to achieve the greatest positive impact on the client.

One of the behaviors that describe this competency is the ability to provide clear and articulate feedback.As much as a coach is supportive of everything that the client brings to the table, he could be of great help by providing an honest and objective feedback of what he hears or sees. Usually a professional coach could ask for permission to do so. The tricky thing about feedback in coaching is that it should not transform into criticism. A coach cannot criticize because he is not walking in the shoes of the client and cannot decide what is right. The feedback is a tool that coaches use in order to provide some additional perspective, provoke curiosity, and encourage further reflection. For example, instead of saying "You seem really scared", a coach can go in this direction: "I notice that every time you mention the possibility of taking this new role, your face changes and sadness comes in your eyes. Can you tell me what is going on in your mind right now?"

Another crucial ability is the one of reframing. Very often clients get stuck in a mental model or assumption or just lack the ability to see other opportunities. This is the time when a coach can bring a huge difference in the client's life. Asking the right questions can encourage inquiry, analysis and discovery. Often times clients share that there was this ONE question that changed the whole energy and opened new doors. Introducing reframing and different perspectives to clients is a great way to enhance learning and development.

Direct communication is also measured by the ability of the coach to manage the process. First, a coach helps the client to set goals for the coaching as a whole, but also for every single session. Coaching is not a chat. As much as it feels great to be in a conversation which is all about you, the purpose of coaching is to keep you going forward. Ask yourself: Did my coach ask me about my goals? Am I certain that these are the really important goals for me? Do we start each session with the goal I have for it? Next, a coach is able to meet the client's agenda. This means that he is able to keep the client on the track to meeting the set goals and get rid of the distractions, barriers and obstacles. Third, a coach is very clear in communicating the purpose and structure of the different tools and instruments that he offers the client.

Finally, a coach always uses appropriate and respectful to the client language. Plus, he utilizes different communication techniques that could be of the client's benefit - analogies, metaphors, jargon, appropriate terminology, etc.

What can you expect from a professional coach? (2)

CO-CREATING THE RELATIONSHIP
This group of competencies focuses on the foundation of coaching - the relationship between the coach and the client. Building a solid relationship is the prerequisite for successful coaching endeavors. A professional coach knows the importance of building relationships with clients based on trust, mutual respect, and sincere openness. This is the way to creating the safe environment in which the clients feel free to be themselves, to open up and to delve into self-discovery and self-development. So what it takes for a professional coach to encourage the co-creation of the relationship with the client?

Competency 3: Establishing Trust and Intimacy with the Client

ICF defines this competency as "the ability to create a safe, supporting environment, that produces ongoing mutual respect and trust". Mastering this competency is particularly crucial in the beginning of the coaching relationship, but it is a never-ending endeavor. The moment the client loses the respect, trust or confidence in his coach, true coaching becomes illusory. It takes commitment, bravery, vulnerability and curiosity on behalf of the client to allow trust and intimacy with the coach, but what a professional coach does to invite you on this path?

On the first place, from day one the coach shows genuine concern for the welfare and the future of the client. We, the coaches, truly believe that every client is resourceful and has the potential to make the most of his life. A professional coach supports the client to discover what really brings meaning in his life, what makes him happy, and what a desired future looks like. The genuine support and concern of the coach is observable in behaviors that keep the client on track of what he defines as welfare and progress for himself, but also in behaviors that challenge the client to reflect whether the actions he anticipate to take or have already taken are not obstacles for his well-being and moving toward stated goals. For example, a coach knows that the client's top priority is to achieve better work-life balance, but she shares her excitement of a new job opportunity that will keep her away from her family for a long period. Immediately the coach reminds the client what she has defined as a top priority and initiates a dialogue for self-exploration and value-based decision making.

Next, a professional coach continuously demonstrates personal integrity and honesty. Let's say that a coach declares that he is very passionate about the research in the field of coaching. During a session the client's interest in the impact of coaching on developing leadership competencies is provoked, and he asks the coach what the research suggest about this topic. The coach should be able to demonstrate profound knowledge.

Another behavior that describes this coaching competency is establishing clear agreements and keeping promises. If at some point during the sessions you find yourself in an immediate need of coaching, but you have no idea if you could contact your coach, then something is not right. Also, if you have an agreement with your coach that you can email him at any time and you will have response within 24 hours, then he should be responsible to keep that promise. If you become excessive in your emails and the coach cannot handle them, instead of delaying answers or not answering at all, he should make an additional agreement with you about the number of emails you ca send within sessions.

It is very important that a coach continuously demonstrates respect for client perceptions, learning styles, and personal being as a whole. A coach is not a judge of what is right and what is wrong, what is good and what is bad. On the contrary, a professional coach believes that the client knows what is good for him and what makes him to be his best. A professional coach respects the clients for who they are and doesn't try to change them. Beware of a coach who shares his opinion, gives personal advices or tries to change you. It is possible that a coach feels uncomfortable working with a client because of conflict in values or beliefs. The right thing to do is to be honest with the client and to refer him to another colleague.

A professional should provide ongoing support for the client and champion his new behaviors and actions. It would be weird if you find yourself in a position where you are sharing something that makes you feel special, and your coach does not show recognition. Whenever you make a progress on something or deliver unexpected results or just try something new in pursue of your goals, you may be sure that your coach will be there to celebrate those small or big wins with you.

Finally, a professional coach should always ask permission to coach the client in sensitive areas as well as in new ones. "I notice that this is the second time you mention this tragedy in our sessions. Do you mind asking you..." or "I know that you want to focus your coaching on your job performance. However I think that there could be some patterns of behavior you tend to follow in your life. Do you feel comfortable exploring this issue in your personal relationships?" 

Competency 4: Coaching Presence
I personally believe that this is the magical competency that makes the coach a special partner in the client's life. It is the coach's secret weapon. It is the part of the mystery that makes coaching such an exceptional partnership. You cannot assess easily the demonstration of this coaching. The only way to judge it is to think how do you leave the coaching sessions. Are you excited? Optimistic? Empowered? Determined? Happy? On purpose? If the answer is yes, then you can be sure your coach is mastering his coaching presence. So here is a short description of what is it about.

A professional coach is always dancing in the moment. This means that he is open and sensitive to what is going on during the session, and makes the most of what is happening in benefit of the client. It also means that every single moment the coach reflects on where the session is going and what approach or tool to use in working with the client. The best description I've ever read on "dancing in the moment" is made by the authors of the Co-active Coaching: "A coach in the midst of a coaching session is constantly choosing. Every response from a client provides information about where to go next with the coaching. The awareness of the shifting currents and themes becomes second nature to experienced coaches; they are constantly sensing what is most important and choosing a question ot skill based on what just showed up." (Whitworth, L, Kimsey-House, K, Kimsey-House, H., & Sandahl, P., 2007, p. 5).

To be able to dance in the moment a coach has a great intuition and is able to trust it. Using his knowledge, expertise and experience a coach senses the moods, thoughts, mental models, barriers to thinking, etc. and comes up with a question that will move the client toward valuable reflection. A professional coach never uses a script or a list with must-ask questions. Rather he accepts every session and every client as a unique and uses his intuitiveness as a guiding light.

This also means that a coach is comfortable in the position of not knowing and taking risks. Before asking a client to be open to new perspectives and experiment with life, we need to be able to do that by ourselves. A coach is comfortable with trying new approaches, tools and questions as well as taking chances with suggesting new directions if his intuition tells him that this could be beneficial for the client. A coach is confident with introducing or suggesting new perspectives and with reframing for the sake of the client's growth.

Finally, a professional coach demonstrates confidence in working with strong emotions. If a client gets emotional and starts crying, the coach doesn't get emotional too, neither does he get upset, confused or distracted. Rather, a coach uses every display of authentic emotions as an opportunity to take the client on a deeper level of self-exploration, self-discovery and demystifying barriers to learning.

What can you expect from a professional coach? (1)

The truth is that as many different coaches you have in your life as many different experiences you will encounter. Think of the teachers you had in school. Chances are that all of them had different teaching styles, introduced different learning methods, followed different grading schemes, required different homework activities, and as a whole built different types of energies in the classroom. Well, the same thing is true of coaches. Every coach is a unique combination of personality, experience, style, interests, utilized tools, coaching approaches and methods which all lead to building a unique coaching relationship and synergy. However, there is something shared between all professional coaches and it is the mastering of the core coaching competencies. 

The professional regulatory body for coaches – The International Coach Federation (ICF) – has defined the eleven core competencies that every coach should develop and practice in order to deliver professional coaching to clients which are divided in four clusters: setting the foundation; co-creating the relationship; communicating effectively; and facilitating learning and results. In four consecutive posts I’ll discuss the behaviors you could expect from your professional coach and those that are unacceptable in congruence with the affirmed professional standards. I hope this would be helpful for you to better see the beauty of coaching, to understand your coaching relationship on a deeper level, or to evaluate whether you are getting professional coaching. So, let’s get started with the first two competencies that are about setting the foundation of coaching.

SETTING THE FOUNDATION

Competency 1: Meeting Ethical Guidelines and Professional Standards

This first core coaching competence describes the coach’s knowledge of the professional ethics and standards as well as the ability to practically apply these standards and norms in every single situation. On the first hand, a coach is open and honest with the client about his or hers qualifications, expertise, experience, certifications and credentials with ICF. Be aware if a coach misleads you with this type of information. It could be an attempt to justify his tariff or attract you as a client, but it could also be a sign that he is able to neglect adherence to the others too. 

Next, a coach should never misrepresent others intellectual property as his own both in his practice and in his research. If during the session your coach uses a model or tool that is intriguing for you, ask where you could find more information on it.

A coach should always be aware of personal issues which might impair, conflict or deteriorate his performance as a coach or his coaching relationship with the client. In such cases the coach is expected to look for professional assistance to determine if he could continue working with the client or it is for the best interest of the client to end the coaching relationship. Here is an example. A client comes to a coaching session with emotional meltdown from the personal loss of her husband. So far she was doing great, achieving her desired goals, and moving steadily forward with her professional life. However, now she seems to be centered on her personal tragedy, struggles with accepting this ending, and seems unable to move forward. Her coach, a woman herself, has just overcome the long-lasting battle with accepting the death of her husband. During the session the coach finds that she is emotionally attached to her client, tends to share her own experience with a problem she considers to be similar to the client’s and instead of coaching she starts delivering advice-giving. In this case the coach ignores one of the main principles of coaching – that each individual has a unique perception and experience of events. The way the coach suffered and overcame her personal tragedy is not necessary the way that the client would take. This is why if the coach is not able to take the coaching perspective again toward the client, she might not be able to be of value to the client. A good sign for the client is when the coach easily shares his confusion, frustration or even personal experience. Remember: the coaching relationship is built on trust and openness which goes both ways. Another promising sign is when the coach notices his own advice-giving or story-telling, and shares it with the client.

Click here if you want to read the full list of the ethical standards professional coaches agree to comply with.

Finally, a coach should clearly understand and communicate to the client the differences between coaching, consulting, psychotherapy and the other support professions. This conversation should be held prior to starting the coaching relationship so that the client is fully aware of what coaching offers and what results could be expected. However, this conversation could be resumed during the sessions if the circumstances call for it. Let’s look at two hypothetical case studies. A client shows up for coaching to address a drinking problem. During the sessions it becomes clear that the client is extremely bored and dissatisfied with his work. Although he is valued and well-paid professional, the long hours, spent on delivering project after project, do not bring meaning in his life. The coach helps the client focus on his purpose in life and what a great life would look like for him. During the sessions the client identifies his dream job and plans a professional transition. With the first successful steps in his designated direction the drinking problem faded away. Another client shows up for coaching with the same stated problem – to address a drinking problem. He shares that it started few months ago when he lost his job and his wife left him. The coach is trying different techniques and approaches to help the client build some goals for the future and move forward. On the third session the coach notices that the client is unable to focus on the present and the future and is talking only about the missed opportunities in the past. In addition he shares that the drinking problem continues. At this point the coach might initiate a conversation where they are going with the client and whether coaching could be the right support for the client at that particular moment. The coach might suggest to the client to refer to a psychotherapist. If the client insists he needs a coaching, the coach might agree that they both would give it a final try if the client commits to doing his homework and coming prepared to the sessions. 

Here I want to mention that sometimes the coach could put on the hat of a consultant to give an advise to the client. This approach is introduced by Whitworth, L., Kimsey-House, K., Kimsey-House, H, & Sandahl, P. (2007) in their incredible Co-active Coaching approach.This is possible when few conditions are met. First, the advice is from the area of the coach’s expertise. Second, the coach is truly believes that it would be of benefit for the client. Third, the client gives permission to the coach to put on the consulting hat.

Competency 2: Establishing the Coaching Agreement

This competency describes the ability of the coach to come to an agreement with every single client about the coaching process and relationship. Let’s look at the specific behaviors that describe this competence.

On the first place, a coach understands and effectively discusses with the client the guidelines and the specific parameters of the coaching relationship with the client. It is not enough to have a standard contract sent to the client for signature. The logistics, fees, scheduling, number of sessions, etc. is only part of the coaching agreement. This is the moment the coach should share the ethical guidelines he adheres to, like maintaining strict levels of confidentiality. However, a coach is not required by law to keep in private information shared during the sessions about actions that are against the law. This might be something you need to discuss with your coach on the contracting stage.

Next, the coach reaches an agreement with the client about the boundaries of the coaching relationship which should be done both ways. If the client has some specific requirement in congruence with his culture or religion for example, he should discuss this with the coach on this stage. Also the coach makes clear what he could offer to the client and what he could not. If you have some special needs initiate a dialogue with the coach to see if he can respond to them. Also both parties come to an agreement about the responsibilities of each in the relationship. Again, the foundation of coaching is that it is an open and trusting relationship, so it is of crucial importance that both the coach and the client commit to their responsibilities and do not compromise on them.

Finally, it is very important that a coach is able to determine if there is a match between his coaching method and the needs of the client. As much as we want to be of service to everyone, this is not always possible. For example, a coach could apply a holistic approach toward coaching. This means he believes that every client is a complex individual who plays different roles in life – a child, a parent, a manager, a professional, a friend, a committed member of a non-profit organization, etc. To be able to coach, this coach needs to touch on the main fields of the client life. If the client comes to coaching with the desire to achieve a career growth and is unwilling to discuss anything outside of his work, then possibly he needs to look for another coach. Sometimes a lack of match could not be found on the contracting stage. At a later point, the coach might find out that his approach, style, utilized methods or just personality are not a good fit for the client’s needs. The moment he comes to such an insight, he should share it with the client. And as a client, whenever you discover that you feel disconnected from your coach, initiate discussion to decide whether and how to move forward.